I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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