I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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