Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
