I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
