After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize