Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
