The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
