someone threw a dead crab at me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
