I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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