so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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