So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
