Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
