Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
