you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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