I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
