Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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