I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
