walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
