Screwed.edu
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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