is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
