I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
