Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
