you traded sex for a burrito?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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