belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
