Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
