Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
