I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize