you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
