i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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