Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
