And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize