bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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