I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
