Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
