mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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