I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
