it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
