i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
