He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
