Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
