If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
