I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
