ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
