it wasn't lemon gatorade
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
