i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
