If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
