i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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