Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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