Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
