There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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