and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
