I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
wow bdsm is so cute
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
