hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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