ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
