I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
