I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
