We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we have officially lost it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
