I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
