it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
