if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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