and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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