one might say we're banned from that church
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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