I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
