If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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