There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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