Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
