friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
