You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
