it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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