Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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