Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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