would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize