He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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