Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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