I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
