Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
