Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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