thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize