Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
