when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
