Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
