The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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