I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
