You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
