I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
