I looked at my own cervix.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
