just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
