This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
