Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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