why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
