being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize