32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
