he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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