I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
