im drinking this country out of the recession.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
