I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I color on your dick again?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
