i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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