i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
