opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
