omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
