Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
