Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
