He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
