Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
