my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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