Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
