you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
