i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
