Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
