did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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