Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
