I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
