i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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