I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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